False Labor
A little over one week before birth, on February 13th, a night graced by a stunning full snow moon, I found myself on my knees, overwhelmed with emotion. For the first time in months, tears flooded my eyes as I prayed with every ounce of my being, “God, please don’t let this be it…please give me more time.” My body was speaking the language of labor—vomiting, contractions, the unbearable back pain I dreaded, and more.
Jake was downstairs with our daughter, Anaya, who had woken up in the middle of the night, telling him, “New baby is here.” “Upstairs with mommy,” she said. Wild – because all the weeks before she kept saying, “open baby, open baby,” and all of a sudden her language had shifted that new baby is here.
Meanwhile, I was alone in our bedroom, praying for strength, hoping to stall what felt inevitable. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. I felt exhausted, depleted, and overwhelmed. I had heard about back labor, how it doesn’t give you any breaks between the pain, and I feared I wouldn’t be able to handle it. As the hours passed, the pain intensified. Panic set in. “Was this it? Was my baby coming sooner than I was ready for?”
The Call to Our Midwife
I called my midwife and continued laboring at home, trying to breathe through each contraction, hoping that in time, it would slow down. By 3 am, Jake noticed the water running and instinctively knew—what was happening. He came upstairs, and when I looked into his eyes, I immediately started to cry; I felt an overwhelming flood of emotions.
The Comparison Game
It’s hard not to compare when you’ve already been through something before, but I remember thinking, I wasn’t this way with Anaya’s birth – why do I feel so unready with this babe?
Labor has a way of digging up all the fears and worries buried deep within. As much as I wanted to control this experience, my body and spirit were telling me to surrender. I wasn’t ready.
I confessed to Jake, “I can’t do this. I’m too tired. I’m too in my head. I’m in fear mode, not faith mode.”
But he reassured me, “It’s going to be okay. We are ready. You are strong. You have withstood so much in the past — you can do this again.” I felt guilty for not being more prepared, for wanting more time. I whispered to my baby, “I want you here, and I also need one more week, and prayed God give me a little more time, please.”
As Jake shifted into “superhuman” mode, getting the car packed and tidying the house, and somehow staying calm through it all. I continued to pray, hoping to make it to a more reasonable hour before asking our nanny to come. But by 4 am, I felt what I thought was my water breaking—gushing water uncontrollably. It felt like déjà vu, reminding me of Anaya’s birth, and I couldn’t help but compare. Was this going to be as beautiful as my first birth? The pressure of living up to that story weighed heavily on me.
By 5 am, the pain began to ease, and I knew I needed to rest. I ended up sleeping from 5 to 8 am and woke up feeling more rested, and suddenly with no sign of labor.
Jake and Anaya were downstairs, playing and laughing, and I felt more at peace.
Finding Calm Through Prenatal Bodywork
I just happened to have a prenatal laboring massage scheduled with a local expert that morning who focuses on pregnant and postpartum women. I thought this appointment was divinely scheduled.
At my appointment, I realized something profound.
My mind had been blocking me, creating anxiety that hindered my preparation for birth. I had been reading my book club book that month that was full of negative birth stories (I did not know this would be the case otherwise I would not have read it), and my intuition had told me not to continue, but I did for the sole purpose of wanting to finish it. Other external fear stories seemed to engulf my spirit and I knew that I had some work to do before this baby would come.
I felt stuck in negativity, doubting myself and my ability to bring this baby into the world. I confessed to my massage therapist, Regina, how I wasn’t ready—not because of physical symptoms, but because of the mental and emotional blocks I was holding onto.
She asked me to name all the fears that come up for me for this birth.
What she said next changed everything. She told me to go home, find a dark space, and surrender. “Animals disappear when they give birth,” she said. “They don’t try to control the process. They get quiet.” “Do not go curb walking, do not do the miles circuit, get quiet and go deep within yourself” she said. And she added quietly, “This is my advice to you as a Birth Doula.”
And so, I did just that. I returned home, created a calm, quiet space, and focused on resting, surrendering to the process. I put on worship music, listened to affirmations, and took a long nap.
A Miraculous Delay: Embracing Extra Time Before Birth
When I woke up at 3:30 pm, I felt so much more grounded. My mind had quieted, and I felt the shift I had been praying for. I was ready to accept that this baby would come sooner than I had hoped. Later that evening, Jake and I headed to our 38-week appointment, feeling calmer than we had all day. But what happened there was nothing short of a miracle.
Here I am expecting that we’re now on a time crunch given my water breaking and thinking I would have to deliver this baby within 48 hours, — and suddenly, there were no symptoms in sight.
The midwife ran multiple tests to check for my water breaking. To our shock, everything was still intact. I wasn’t in labor after all. I was still pregnant. How could this be? I had all the symptoms—the contractions, the water breaking, the back pain—but tests showed my body was not yet in labor.
The midwife looked at us and said, “You’ve received a gift. There’s a lesson in this gift. Whatever it is, don’t take it for granted.” Her words resonated deeply with me.
I asked if we could pray right there, and with Jake by my side, we thanked God for this miraculous gift of more time. We praised Him for protecting both me and the baby, for guiding us through this journey, and for giving us more time to prepare. We thanked God for this birth center and for this faith filled midwife.
We left the birth center in awe, humbled by the experience. I asked God to teach me how to prepare my whole being with the extra time He had given me. The next week, I would do just that—ready to embrace this gift of time and surrender fully to the beauty of the birth that was to come.
This journey reminded me of the importance of faith, surrender, and trust in God’s timing.
